Penn State Headline Predictions

The scandal at Penn State, which just became national news last weekend, is sure to be on the front pages for quite a while.  And deservedly so: this is just an unspeakably awful situation, involving not only the rampant sexual abuse of young boys, but the lack of consequences and eventual cover-up.  Nasty stuff.

Call me a cynical critic of our culture, but I'm willing to predict that media outlets will attempt all kinds of cheesy headlines about the scandal in order to grab our attention.  So be on the lookout for headlines like the following:

• Unhappy Valley
• Say It Ain't So, Joe
• Nittany Lyin'
• From Penn State to State Pen

Stuff My Son Says - #11

Last night, Cameron was bored and in need of entertainment.  Here was his request:

"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phonics"

Well, a lot of people are hooked on it...

Stuff My Son Says - #10 (Griffin Edition)

Until now, I've limited this topic to cover only the hilarity of Cameron, my seven year-old.  But four year-old Griffin has really outdone his older brother in the category of humorous utterances.  Here are his top five:

5.  After a significant amount of time in the deep water at the local pool...
Griff: "Let's go back to the swallow end."

4.  While we were laying on deck chairs at the pool, Griffin started gently patting and rubbing my back...
Me: "Griff, what are you doing?"
Griff: "Giving you a patio."

3. While swimming at this same pool...
Griff: "What's that thing in the front of your shoulder by your neck?"
Me: "It's my collar bone."
Griff: "Well, what color IS it?"
(Gotta get that kid's hearing checked.)

2.  After seeing a trailer for one of this summer's superhero movies...
Griff: "Can we see Captain Antarctica?"
(That movie would suck.)

1.  Jenny was explaining how she had to take Liam to orientation day at Patrick Henry Middle School...
Griff:  "Remember the last Patrick Henry Day?  When everybody wore green stuff?"
(Although Patrick Henry was a good guy, he was no Saint.)

Stuff My Son Says - #9

While waiting for his brother's baseball game to start, Cameron was apparently bored. Here's the brief dialogue that ensued.

Cam:  Dad, can you get the iPad out of the car?

Me:  Buddy, just play with your friends.  Use your imagination for the next couple of hours.

Cam:  OK.  I imagine you getting me the iPad!

After that comeback, I surrendered and got him the iPad.

Stuff My Son Says - #8

This weekend, we stayed at our friends' acreage.  Their six-year old son, Jack, was telling us about how his dad built the house himself.  Cameron asked me if I could build a house, which I obviously don't have the skill set to accomplish.  Here is the brief interaction between Cam and my lovely wife, Jenny, that followed.

Jenny:  I married a man who can't craft a house, but he can really craft words.

Cam: Mom, you were married before you met Dad?!?

Stuff My Son Says - #7

A couple of weeks after returning to South Dakota from our Easter trip to Canada, Cameron randomly commented on his geographic preferences:

"I don't like traveling to other countries.  I'd rather stay here in America.  We have more channels."

That boy's got his priorities straight.

Stuff My Son Says - #6

On the day before Mother's Day, I asked Cameron if he was going to do anything special for his mom.  He was slightly insulted that I would question his level of thoughtfulness.  His response:

"I already got her two dandelions!"