Stuff My Son Says #14

Yesterday, the boys detected a strong odor in the house.

Cameron: "What is that smell?!?"

Griffin: "It smells like Christmas."

Cameron: "Maybe the first Christmas."

Stuff My Son Says #13

Last night, Liam and I were playing "Sting Pong": shirtless ping pong where, after every point, the point-winner gets a free shot at the torso of the other player. Yes, it results in little round welts and significant pain. But that's what guys do for fun.

Anyway, about half the time, Liam would try to hit the ball so hard that his accuracy was poor, missing me completely. Cameron, who was watching this ridiculous display of masculinity, made this observation:

"Dad, I'm surprised Liam ever misses you. You've become a pretty wide target."

I've really got to work out more often.

Stuff My Son Says #12

Well, it's been a year since my last post. 371 days to be exact. No excuses. I'm just lazy.

So, without further ado (or adieu), here's a good one from Cam.

When we turned the calendar over to November, Cam noticed a few holidays. This was his explanation:

Cam: Hey Dad, we don't have school next Monday.

Me: Why not?

Cam: Cuz it's "Veterinarian's Day."

Close, son. Very close.

Penn State Headline Predictions

The scandal at Penn State, which just became national news last weekend, is sure to be on the front pages for quite a while.  And deservedly so: this is just an unspeakably awful situation, involving not only the rampant sexual abuse of young boys, but the lack of consequences and eventual cover-up.  Nasty stuff.

Call me a cynical critic of our culture, but I'm willing to predict that media outlets will attempt all kinds of cheesy headlines about the scandal in order to grab our attention.  So be on the lookout for headlines like the following:

• Unhappy Valley
• Say It Ain't So, Joe
• Nittany Lyin'
• From Penn State to State Pen

Stuff My Son Says - #11

Last night, Cameron was bored and in need of entertainment.  Here was his request:

"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phonics"

Well, a lot of people are hooked on it...

Stuff My Son Says - #10 (Griffin Edition)

Until now, I've limited this topic to cover only the hilarity of Cameron, my seven year-old.  But four year-old Griffin has really outdone his older brother in the category of humorous utterances.  Here are his top five:

5.  After a significant amount of time in the deep water at the local pool...
Griff: "Let's go back to the swallow end."

4.  While we were laying on deck chairs at the pool, Griffin started gently patting and rubbing my back...
Me: "Griff, what are you doing?"
Griff: "Giving you a patio."

3. While swimming at this same pool...
Griff: "What's that thing in the front of your shoulder by your neck?"
Me: "It's my collar bone."
Griff: "Well, what color IS it?"
(Gotta get that kid's hearing checked.)

2.  After seeing a trailer for one of this summer's superhero movies...
Griff: "Can we see Captain Antarctica?"
(That movie would suck.)

1.  Jenny was explaining how she had to take Liam to orientation day at Patrick Henry Middle School...
Griff:  "Remember the last Patrick Henry Day?  When everybody wore green stuff?"
(Although Patrick Henry was a good guy, he was no Saint.)

Stuff My Son Says - #9

While waiting for his brother's baseball game to start, Cameron was apparently bored. Here's the brief dialogue that ensued.

Cam:  Dad, can you get the iPad out of the car?

Me:  Buddy, just play with your friends.  Use your imagination for the next couple of hours.

Cam:  OK.  I imagine you getting me the iPad!

After that comeback, I surrendered and got him the iPad.